Right when you think you have the perfect life plan… it all falls apart. Who’s with me?
I spent most of my mid to late 20’s constructing the ideal road map for my 30’s – a good job, a house on 50 acres my husband and I purchased, possibly even children… a happy ever after.
I’d perfectly stacked all the pieces… Until they came tumbling down.
By the time I reached my early 30’s, I could feel it all starting to sway like a weak Jenga stack. It didn’t matter how much I tried to stabilize things, I knew my goal was slipping away.
My marriage was suffering… hard, and no matter how much I tried to fit a round peg in a square hole, it just wasn’t happening.
I didn’t want to move out of my husband’s house. I didn’t want to lose all the things we’d worked towards. I didn’t want to quit. I wasn’t a quitter.
But I also knew we were both in an unhealthy situation.
So I made the decision to move out, find personal solitude, assess my emotions, and do some soul-searching hoping he would do the same.
I was worried I’d stacked my life not around what I wanted, but around what we wanted. That isn’t, necessarily, a bad thing, but I had to know what we wanted was actually what I wanted. Make sense?
When I was with my husband, I could never concrete those future goals in my heart.
I planned to have that stable job and life, but the dreamer in me wanted to write and dance and travel. I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too, but…
Was the “stable” life something I truly wanted? Or was I simply trying to fit the life I found myself in?
By December 2019, my husband and I still searched for answers:
- Do we love each other romantically?
- Should we continue our marriage because it’s the “right thing to do?”
- Do we honor the vows we took?
- Or was it simply a case of getting married too young with too much ignorance?
- Did our individual life goals actually fit together and compliment each other?
- Did WE actually fit together?
I’m not an expert on life and what to do in confusing times like this; however I figured out some things along my journey that may help with yours.
During this series, each post will concentrate on one specific lesson I learned that is helping me move forward. Here we go…
If I’m completely honest with myself (and my husband would agree), we shouldn’t have married as young as we did. We got hitched when I was 20. Looking back, I had NO IDEA about anything. (Ignorance is bliss, right? Maybe… Until you figure out your ignorance…)
Soon after our marriage, I started to doubt we’d done the right thing. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom crying. (I’m with ya, Elizabeth Gilbert…)
My doubt and sadness is no reflection on my husband. He is a wonderful man. I just knew something wasn’t quite right, and now looking back, he agrees.
We were (and are) good people. But no matter how good two things are independently, sometimes they simply don’t fit together. Like pumpkin pie and ketchup. In my opinion, both good, but not together.
In our heart of hearts, in our guts, we knew, but we were both good people that had fun together. “Why wouldn’t it work?! ” We are still asking that question today, and it’s the biggest reason for our indecisiveness.
But again… pumpkin pie and ketchup… Two good things may not always be good together. (And might I add, that is not something to feel guilty about. It is what it is!)
When you’re facing a crossroads in life, you must listen to that little voice inside. It’s likely telling you something, but too often we don’t want to listen. I know I don’t.
Lesson Numero Uno: You HAVE to be truthful with yourself.