If you’ve read my past posts, you know I’m going through marital separation. Do I wish I’d never gotten married?
In a way… I do. It would have caused a lot less hurt for me and my husband.
I wish we’d had the good sense to wait, closely examine our individual selves, and then decide if we wanted to commit the rest of our lives to each other.
Would I take it all back? Absolutely not.
Would I do it differently if I had the chance? Some of it.
Throughout the trails, tribulations, and turmoils, I’m very thankful for the lessons I learned and the personal development I achieved as a result of our time together. (I hope my husband can say the same.)
That chapter of my life led me to some blessings I have today:
- A deeper understanding of myself
- A more open mind
- A more understanding heart
- And opportunities like owning my dance studio, which I may not have if I hadn’t decided to marry and remain in my hometown. (It’s the ripple effect, you see?)
Furthermore, my husband and I had some very fun years and memorable experiences.
We both kinda grew up together, and our blazing differences balanced each other out. In many cases, we strengthened each other’s weaknesses. He would agree – in some ways, we made a perfect team. In other ways, we sucked.
Before me, he had no interest in traveling. These days, he loves going on trips and exploring. As a result, we both enjoyed a magical expedition to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, a place we both dreamed of visiting and a special trip we’ll never forget.
Because of him, I embraced gentleness. When we married, I had a horrible temper – something he had to endure throughout our marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t mad all the time, but when something hit me wrong, my little, internal, Irish, red-head came out with a vengeance. Now, partly because of him, I know how to examine my emotions, rationalize my feelings and thoughts, and react with organized and understanding actions. (Okay, okay… Occasionally, the Irish hot-head still comes out… Nobody’s perfect.)
Even though our marriage ultimately ended with some very depressing personal struggles for both of us, I’m thankful for it. I’m thankful for it all. The high’s and the low’s.
Things don’t always turn out the way we planned, but that never means it was a waste of time. There is beauty, value, and knowledge in everything. Every. Single. Thing.
Never regret your past. Acknowledge it. Analyze it. Learn from it.
When you come to a crossroads and you don’t know which direction to go, try the steps I laid out in this series. See if they work for you. They sure did (and are) for me.
- STEP 1: Follow Your Gut and Be Truthful with Yourself
- STEP 2: Look at the Facts
- STEP 3: Examine What You Want from Life
- STEP 4: Make Decisions to Move Forward
- STEP 5: Acknowledge and Be Thankful for the Past
Moving forward, you have to look out for YOU.
You have to lay a solid foundation for yourself based on what you want and need in life.
A friend once told me, “Set yourself up for success, not failure.”
Figure out things you need for happiness. Then, make small, independent decisions towards your successful life.
If you’re absolutely (and sometimes crudely) truthful with yourself, I believe the appropriate steps will fall into place.
Remember: You only have to conquer one little decision at a time.
Then, move to bigger things:
- Are you happy in your job? Does it compliment your life goals? If not, what will make your heart happy?
- Does your current relationship feed your soul? If not, have you become complacent and need to make a change?
- Are you living in the right place? If not, where do you want to live? Go there!
Things can be simple, but scary. That’s when you have to make the ultimate decision: Do I remain in mediocrity or even sadness? Or do I kick down that door and demand joy and satisfaction?
Kick down that door, friend… Life’s too short.